Anorexia is a silent battle that so many are fighting — a sweet young friend, Michelle Baker wrote this and posted it on her Facebook page for others to know that if they too struggle with an eating disorder, they are not alone. She is 32 years old and has been battling Anorexia since her teen years. She gave permission to share this in hopes that it would help someone else experiencing the same struggles:
WARNING ⚠️ Extremely personal and long-winded post ahead…
First off, a letter to my body:
I haven’t been kind to you. I am so sorry for the horrible things I have said to you. I’m sorry for not feeding you when you were begging for food. I’m sorry for depriving you of the things you needed. I can’t believe how I cursed you after running 10 miles instead of 11. I’m sorry I didn’t post that amazingly cute photo from our trip because I thought your arm/butt/legs/face looked too fat. I’m sorry for calling you a fat cow every time you felt full. I’m sorry for pinching you and prodding you and telling you that you don’t deserve to eat. I’m sorry for taking you to the gym for 2, 3, 4 hours (it was never enough) when I should have taken you to the beach park 5 minutes away to breathe the fresh air and watch the waves lap on the shore of Puget Sound! ?
I’ve decided that there’s a more fitting place for my scale, my food scale and my measuring tape: THE GARBAGE CAN. ?
I am going to make my body several promises that I hope will make up for all the damage I have done. I promise that I will feed it more than coffee and yogurt before 5pm. I promise that I will never go to bed hungry and I won’t use sleeping pills to silence a growling stomach. I will stop using exercise as punishment for eating. If my body wants to exercise, I promise I will listen to it when it wants to stop. I need my body to be strong and healthy for all the travels ahead! ✈️ I will mend my relationship with food. I will eat when I’m hungry. No more weighing my body or my food. No more counting calories. Life is too short to weigh your Cheerios! ??♀️
I want to do all the things that my disorder has kept me from doing. Ironically, the disorder that made me think I need to weigh less has actually done nothing except for weigh me down. ?? So these are the things I’m giving up this year (and forever!): weighing, measuring, cutting, counting, guilt, torturing/shaming/bullying/exhausting my body, deprivation, exercising to “earn” my food, diet mentality, insecurity, deeming foods as good or bad, and saying “I can’t” or “I shouldn’t” to food! I CAN AND I SHOULD! ??♀️??♀️??♀️
What I’m hoping to gain in return: confidence, self-love AND STRENGTH to overcome the disorder that has held me in varying extremes since puberty! ❤️
This will not be easy. In fact, I’ve already had days where I’ve looked in the mirror and cried and doubted my decision to recover. But admitting that I have a problem (even though I’m extremely embarrassed) is going to hold me accountable and more importantly, maybe I can help someone else who is struggling with an eating disorder or at the very least suffering from body image issues. If I can help even one person, it’s worth it to me to put this out in the open. Believe me, I realize how insignificant it seems to hold so much stock in how my body looks, and if there was a switch I could flip and all of a sudden not care, I would have done that years ago. But part of coming out of this is going to be shifting my focus to other things instead, i.e. counting all my blessings instead of calories! ?
Thank you for taking the time to read this, and thank you most of all to Paul — for feeding me and telling me I’m beautiful every single day. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ PLEASE don’t hesitate to reach out for help if you are struggling. Michelle told her Facebook friends to contact her privately for help, “no matter if we are close or “how do I even know this person?” type of acquaintances. Or if you just want to encourage me or send me snacks, that’s nice too!” ?❤️?
I can do this! ????